West Energy Wisdom

In The Dickensian Reset, I talk about the art that was left behind by earlier patients, in particular, the piece pictured below, which was titled West Energy Wisdom.

While the revised versions contain the below image on the back cover, I felt it would be helpful to share here for readers of the Kindle edition.

There is a saying in Zen:

    Before enlightenment,
        mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers.

    During enlightenment,
        mountains are no longer mountains and rivers are no longer rivers.

    After enlightenment,
        mountains are once again mountains and rivers are once again rivers.

The above image reminds me of this quote, both for its depictions of mountains and rivers, but also for another reason as well.

When I first saw this image upon my first entrance to my room, I saw just a childish scribble. It inspired me to begin writing a sarcastic journal entry about the "mad house art." But as I studied the image, I became enthralled by its beauty: not for the technical skill of the artist, but for what they were able to convey with such limited materials. I found the image incredibly peaceful.

I was impressed by the artwork's accuracy in details, from rivers starting at mountains to the rendering of the moon, which is correctly lit on the proper side by the setting sun.

Moreover, it features many small vignettes:

• Two deer stand on the banks of a river; one of them has their head down, drinking from the cool waters.
• Downstream, a tree has fallen into the river and made a natural dam; salmon are jumping over the log.
• A mother bear works to pull down a beehive; nearby her cubs wait patiently.
• The river ends at a waterfall that feeds a large lake; swimming in its clear waters are two massive koi.
• On a dock, extending into the river, a man in a straw hat fishes, perhaps in hopes of catching those two kings of the lake; his loyal dog sits nearby panting.

These scenes drew me into the painting. I could almost feel what it would be like to be sitting on that dock, fishing, gazing into that forest teaming with life; you can imagine how much more I appreciated that feeling of peace while I was confined. 

Now, today, while I can still appreciate the image with the same perspective I had while in mania, I also see it simply for what it is, some crayon on a wall. I can appreciate that my mania caused me to see everything as significant, including this work of art, and it was just some graffiti left behind by a former patient.

What do you see? What other things become more beautiful the longer you look at them?

Happy Anniversary?

It was two years ago today that I went into the psych ward.

Being in mania felt great; I felt invincible. It was the most spiritual experience of my life. 

But I was also deeply unwell. I was unable to function at my day job. I became someone other than myself. It put an immense strain on my marriage.

When I left the psych ward, I began writing a memoir of my experience, The Dickensian Reset. I wrote until I got to a point where the work became too personal to continue writing. For some time afterward, I was unhappy with the result.

I finally picked up the book again last month and completed it. At this point, the draft is in the hands of my sister, Phoebe, who has agreed to edit it. 

I'm very thankful for her interest and her work on the book. At the same time, I'm worried that her edits may change my voice. I plan to comb over each change and see whether it's something I want to accept or not. 

In the meanwhile, I started working on cover designs for the book. Oddly, the thing that's been hardest for Phoebe, my wife Lilly, and I to agree upon is the subtitle. Since you have to actually read The Dickensian Reset in order to understand the title, the subtitle is key to get folks to actually pick up the book. 

I plan on offering the work as a paperback, kindle, and audible audiobook. Will folks actually read it? I would be honored if that was the case. I worry that in this media-saturated world  it might not stand out enough.

So, if you're here exploring my blog because you've enjoyed the book, please do share it with others.